Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
