Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
