note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
