just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
