He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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