Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
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