My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
