I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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