In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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