i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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