He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
