My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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