is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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