Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
