I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
