the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
dude. I can hear the air.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
