oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
