woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
