I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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