his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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