Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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