u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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