I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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