I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
