They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
