Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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