How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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