So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
