y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
