are you so shy because you have an std?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
