Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
