I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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