I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
