Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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