when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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