Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
