If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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