She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
