New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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