where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
