remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
nutella sex= disaster
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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