last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
