Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
