I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
