Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
