what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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