HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
