I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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