So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
