i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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