if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
